Sounds like really good plans. I am not much a winter person, I have a very low blood pressure (my normal) and I freeze very easy. I am more a beach girl. Love the ocean with all my heart and soul.
I made the reservation for our week vacation in San Antonio during the XMas week, but the boys and I are still talking about because they are having second toughs.
My kids got used to XMas at home, decorations, a big tree, the XMas night and presents in the morning. So, we don't know yet.
Maybe we will stay local, do some stuff every day, maybe go somewhere for two or three days, but not the whole week.
Today I am helping a friend and take her daughter (that actually looks more like my daughter) to volleyball practice in Boulder, then I will meet my friend at a bowling alley.
I need to clean my house, wash a ton of clothes, clean the refrigerator after Thanksgiving, do some XMas shopping, mail B-Day present, mail XMas presents for my godsons in Brasil, my car needs oil change (5000 miles is up again), buy milk for the week, maybe some XMas cards, go to a tea meeting just for ladies on Saturday afternoon, zumba sunday, a football meeting at S15 school to start working on their trip to Florida next year, finish the college of music application for S17, including a choice for audition, start scholarships letters, get the airplane ticket for S21 to go to Brasil in Jan/16, advertise some big equipment we want to sell online, check my investment account and plan the next step, schedule my tax preparation since this year was a complicated mess, and in between there will be meals, X idiot H picking up kids, doing the usual finance of the week.
If there is any time to spare, I will sit down with the boys to look into some of our business options and what direction we need to take. My kids are smart, so I need to put their brains to work, and my own too. I need to work less and have more profit.
Well, it does not look too interesting, but it is very important for me to get to the next step, and it will only be possible if we have a better financial direction. My savings are not bad, but I still do not have my 6months expenses saved with free money, I mean, money that is not invested somewhere.
Regarding if I am ready to start the DBing, I would be dishonest saying that my emotions are not up and down every day. But I have been noticing that I am angry. My anger comes from some kind of jealousy even, that XH can do whatever he wants because he has his freedom, and I need to always be responsible.
But, for now that is what is my part and maybe life will show me that all the sacrifices I do for my boys now will be my happiness tomorrow. And maybe XH has what he wants know and will regret it tomorrow. I don't know.
I know my love for him has been changing, his selfishness is coming through and that was exactly what I disliked before. He always think only about himself.
I am trying to avoid to talk about my situation, XH, D with my friends lately, but I have a friend that actually wants to talk about this. Yesterday she told me that she wants to remind me how miserable was my life during so many years beside a man that did nothing. He provided the money and that was it, no participation on chores, no help with the kids besides taking them out to do what was in his best interest at the moment.
Yes, I think that losing my M, my family, was a big shock for me and I embellished a M that was not a happy one for myself. I somehow stopped seeing how much I always want to change the dynamic and have a H that was active and present.
I think that those memories are starting to come back and I am finding that I may be better on my own, with my boys.
The fact that I allow myself to be weak, cry and suffer is just who I am, I let myself feel the full strength of the emotions and I live them 100%. But that did not change how strong I am, and if I want it or not, I am a tough girl. Average, nothing special, but tough, decided, honest and straight forward person.
I do not hide anything, and now much less in every aspect. My life is an open book, my soul is clean, I do not wish anything bad to anyone and do not put my nose in anybody's lives. I am actually a nice person, everybody I know loves me.
I promise to myself that from the first day of 2016 I won't allow XH to just drop by into my life and mess it up the way he has been doing.
I am more like: "If you want to go, then have my blessing and go, Tchau!!!"
It hasn't been easy, there is still a few more things to finish this year, he needs to take his stuff from my house, I need to finish some paperwork we have our names together. But one by one it has been resolved.
I did the fist step on Thanksgiving week, I feel that it was the hardest one, now I just need to keep it going. And I know I am in the right direction here. If he does not want me anymore, then go and live me alone, don't bother me anymore.
I am also back into my ADs - I stopped for awhile but this last week was really heavy with XH around crying the milk spilled and doing nothing do fix it. I don't make a big deal about it. It's a low dosage that do not interfere with my day by day, by the opposite, it helps me to be calmer and more concentrated in what I need to do.
I will also post an email I got from XH with his schedule for 12/15 and 1/16 - I got really mad, very offended, but then I stopped myself, did not react to it, gave some time to think and decided that it is not in my best interest to give any importance for his garbage.
RD, I work right by a hospital, but I can't have all this peace you say you have there. There is always ambulance and fire fighters noise, it makes me nervous sometimes. Is it the Beaumont Hospital? It looks very big and not so peaceful.
Well, I also need to get back to work or I may be fired.
Love as always, whishing you lots of fun with the sweet girls. Oh my, I envy you for having the girls. I just love all the girl stuff... the pink, feathers, makeup, lipstick, hair, hair stuff, jewelry, shoes, skirts, different purses, a lot of glitter, a lot of charm, a lot of a lot of things, stuff. I just love to be a girl.
