dday, attempting to find clarity

[dday]

Is this what detachment will look like? Feeling numb? I had no expectations at all last night. I realize that nothing towards r is going to happen anytime soon. So if it does happen, it's going to be a while. If ever.

I had a dream last night with a girl I used to run around with 15-20 years ago. I was still this age, and felt like I had moved on from W for a chance with her. Not sure what that means, but I seemed happy. Maybe my brain is telling me that I can find someone new? Maybe it's telling me to let go? Maybe I just need to satisfy a craving.

I would love my family whole, and be with a happy W. But If not, there is someone out there that I can share the rest of my life with someday