You have a DB coach. Talk to your DB coach and follow their lead.
The concern I have is the whole 'worth a try' thing. How long are you going to try? Is this something where either of you give up at any point? Hard to work on a M when you're both walking on eggshells, looking over your shoulders, and watching the door as if to say "I want to make this work, but if it's not going to I'm going to make sure I get out first". On TOP of that, M's get TOUGHER before they get better. Piecing is hard, hard work. There are so many wounds to work through. If the idea is to test the waters to see if it is a dream marriage...guess what, it isn't. The M was bad already, it's gotten worse, not better.
The only upside is that he's maybe gotten a chance to consider the devastation of the alternative.
Ideally I would like to see the pressure removed. Like a formal separation...set time period...child support...and removing the pressure. Not agreeing to R...but agreeing not to D...and not to date other people...and to have regular visits with a counselor to discuss how to play it from here (agree DB coach is a great idea).
The idea would be to just take some pressure off and to stabilize things. Doctors don't operate on a patient when their system is in shock and sporadic, they calm the patient down and make sure everything is stable first. I would think you two should do the same. If he can be on board with approaching it this way then I'd be ok with letting things calm down, smooth out, and taking baby steps under supervision.
Again, see if DB coach agrees. I think they would. Mine gave me verbiage at one point that started with "The decisions we are making will have significant and lasting impacts for our family. It makes sense that we should be at our best as we make these decisions. We've both been dealing with a lot and it may make sense to slow things down and get to a spot where we're both on our game..."
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
