If it were me, and I'm not saying this is right, I would snoop enough to document with screenshots, etc., what is going on to protect myself as a last resort. And don't tell her, and hide it somewhere for safe-keeping.
Then I would agree with going with the direct approach, telling her what you're interested in and the commitments you need from her. Because she has to make the decision, and she has to demonstrate that protecting and building your R is more important than protecting the OM, herself, and/or their R.
If she's not willing to be totally transparent (in my view) then I would be polite but keep my distance.
