As for breaking it off with OM she has to show you actions not words. Tell her you wish you could believe her but then ask her if you had lied to her as much as she has to you, would she believe you? You need a formal NC declaration letter, witnessed by you. She needs to get the hell off Facebook. If she's in IC why aren't they telling her this? Getting the hell off of social media is rule #1 for wayward spouses. It's really simple for her to be a 50% partner in saving your marriage.
A talk I used to have with my wife is when we're much older and looking back at the story of your own life, which character do you want to be? The hero of your life or the villain? Why do something today you know you're going to regret for the rest of your life? Many many many of these talks snapped my wife out of her temporary insanity and we're better than ever today so, my friend, there is always hope.
