It's frustrating to watch them be so "confused" when in reality it's not confusing at all. Dump the OM and stop stepping outside your marriage. Whenever anything comes up in life where there's a right choice and wrong choice, like whether or not to have an affair, then just go with the right choice and sleep like a baby at night. Life really is that simple. It took my own WW having a midlife crisis and darn near destroying our entire family to finally have that epiphany.
At this point in the process, however, you have a responsibility to make yourself the much better choice. Be there for her. She sounds like she's crumbling. Is it all due to her own actions? Absolutely. She needs emotional support. She was getting that from OM. If she can't get that from you then what's the point?
