LBH w/ a WW trying to save my M (6)

[gs9]

Last Thread

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...;gonew=1#UNREAD

[gs9]

After work I washed my truck and went to the gym. It's nice to not be in a hurry. Got home about 8:30 PM. The boys are here. They are coming over more often but still spend more time at their dad's then with WW. I walked in and said "hello, everyone." WW cheerfully greeted me. I went about my business. The house is completed decorated for Christmas. WW usually does this with the kids but I usually help too. I was kind of worried about whether I should help or not. I kind of wanted her to see what it's like to do it with out me. Happy I didn't have to make the choice.
WW new job gave her a new car today that was in the garage. I didn't mention it. She asked me a couple questions throughout the night that I answered with as few words as possible. I had just finished eating, turned off the TV and was sitting in the living room. She asked what I was doing. I told her "I just finished eating and I'm listening to the kids". The kids were upstairs playing. She said "oh.....good night" I said "good night".

Feeling pretty good today. I'm looking to a brighter future just a couple weeks away. I'd rather have an empty house than one with a cheating wife.

[trumpet]

'Listening to the kids'... that is an awesome statement.

It shows your progress in this situation. You are looking inward and making, have made, and will continue to make changes, but you have revealed a selflessness that will be a blessing to you and all that surround you. By making improvements in yourself, you can now enjoy the little things, enjoy other's company, and appreciate what is truly good and right in this life. I hope it brought a smile to your face!

[gs9]

This morning she was very polite again. The cat got out and she asked if I would get the cat bc she didn't have her shoes on. My first thought was "no, do it yourself" but it's S12's cat and if it got lost I would have felt responsible for not hurrying to get it.
I'm guessing now that we're in full agreement over the D terms there isn't as much for us to fight about. The other thing I think is probably going on is she wants us to be friends once the D finalizes. Not going to happen. I don't want a friend who would lie, cheat, put herself before M and kids, abuse, believe the lie that she isn't cheating because our M is over. I will never agree with her on this point. She uses it to justify her actions.
I don't think she believes we aren't going to be friends. I've told her not sure how to show her over the next 15 days.

[trumpet]

Her 'high' of the D will most likely become a pit of despair for her, once she realizes you have moved on.

That might take a couple weeks, or a couple months, or a couple years... do you think she would ever come back around? And if so, would you try to reconcile? Or is it onward and upward for gs9?

[gs9]

Hiya Trumpet,
It is onward and upward for me no matter what she wants. She has already told me
"she believes our D will finalize, we'll each have our own homes and then maybe in a couple months I will call her up and ask her to go for a walk or to the park or dinner or something. We won't call it dating. We won't label it but when issues arise we can go to see a C to help us work through it. We won't have to see each other for a couple days or a week as we work through these issues. Then someday there may be a new proposal, a new ring and a new ceremony."
Personally, I think she is crazy. I have been and will continue to fight for this M until the paperwork is signed. Then I'm done.
However, I do believe she will come back around and I know I'm not in charge. If I were in charge then absolutely not but God is in charge. I know if God calls me to reconcile I will answer but I know He has helped me establish ground rules for what she will need to do in order to have me back in her life. I will not take back the old M, the old person she was and definitely not the person she is today. She needs serious professional help and I will not take her back unless she is getting help.

[gs9]

Listening to the kids really did bring a smile to my face. At first I was thinking I may not be hearing it again in the near future but that is so incorrect. The boys Dad and I are friends. I'm sure I'll be taking D4 to his house and he and the boys will come over to hang out, watch football, hang out, whatever. Plus the boys may want to come and stay the night with D4 too. We'll see. But just because their mother is choosing to remove me I will still make an effort to see the boys.

[gs9]

Devotional this morning. James 1:6 "But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind"

I have to ask....am I doubting? I'm envisioning a future without her. Perhaps even looking forward to a future without WW. I have several OW who have expressed interest if my D finalizes. I've thought about dating them. Even looking forward to it. I've spent time envisioning the work I'm going to do on the house once she moves out. I tell myself I'm just mentally and emotionally preparing for the outcome of the choices she is making but I have to ask......am I asking in faith without doubting?

[trumpet]

I don't think you're doubting at all.

Like you said, the stbxw will need to change. She's a crazy train.

Just don't hop off one crazy to get aboard another crazy. But, the fun of a few dates with some attractive women, to see what the ball field looks like would be fun. I have a friend at work who had his wife have a MLC, and the D was BAD. He was really shook up, his second D, but from what I can tell a great guy. It took him 2 years to bring up the courage to date... I would think a year would feel ok to me, if I was in his spot. His EX, though, found 5 guys in that time, and then shacked up with a divorcing guy, and sound like it stuck.

[gs9]

2 years? Yikes! I'll be dating. Nothing serious but that will definitely be a step in the GALing of gs9

I know that part of my healing process will be spending time with people who appreciate me, respect me and choose to be around me.