Bridges that cross the Universe!

[Di-mond]

Yes Mutatio, he is choosing his path. He is not on the same path as me. I don't think he ever really was. I have to move forward. As much as I try to imagine what my life would be like with him in it, he just doesn't fit anymore.

I tolerated a lot of differences between us. Would often keep my mouth shut. I sometimes was embarrassed by his behaviour. He behaves very juvenile and is borderline racist. I'm a child of the world. I travelled a lot as a kid and had empathy and compassion instilled by my parents. Different nationalities, races, religions. I have always been very interested and compassionate. Agree to disagree. We are all human, we all bleed the same. My husband is not like that. He put up a good front at first. He has many " friends" from different nationalities. They would be horrified by some of the things he says in private. I just really don't think I could live with someone that is so self centred. He would rather kick someone when hey are down than to help them up. He had mentally handicapped students when he was teaching and behind their backs he would make fun of them. I feel bad that sometimes I would go along with it and didn't speak up. I always felt uncomfortable when he acted that way.

I think to myself, what in the world happened to my H when he was young to be so uncaring for people. He puts on a good front and everyone loves him and thinks he is such a great guy....until they start to see the real him. Then he just cuts and runs. I feel sorry for him and the next person that comes into his life. Until he realizes and works on his own issues (whatever they are) this will continue on and on and on. Not my monkey, not my circus!!!

I still care and love him very much. I will observe from a distance. I'm still very friendly with my MIL. She knows he needs counselling. Then I think to myself....I really don't want to know anymore. so confusing!

Second week of December the separation agreement will get done. Still debating if I should file for divorce in April or not. No need to worry until then. I do know my H will not file. He wants me to make the hard decisions.