Motivation!!! From rysinMan

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks for stopping by and posting this. I remember your earliest posts here and can attest to tremendous growth in you. When people first come here, they are usually reeling from grief & shock over their loss.

RysinMan, 3 months ago I lost my mother quite unexpectedly.

Simply put, it's an enormous loss for me and my siblings, regardless of her age. (Our mother was in excellent health - or so we thought. All of her 5 sisters are alive, even ones much older than she was). I had a wonderful mother. Her death is the first sorrow I've wept without her.

Though losing a spouse via divorce is different, I understand & relate to losing your best friend & source of constant support. I understand the gaping hole left there, only to be partially & slowly filled by others.

I know YOU have discovered that from huge losses, we can grow.

*To be clear, the growth does not "make up for" the loss, but it is still a gain.

My relationships with people are far deeper now, for I realize the value they have to me. I'm acutely aware of those friends who are also "orphans," who relate to grief, and how this time of year can really be a drag. I'm pretty sure you have grown in appreciation for the friends and family members who have supported you in your journey.

Looking ahead, statistically, there's a good chance you will remarry. You can be a romantic and accept that there is more than one soul mate for you out there.


RysinMan Think it out. Does it make sense that the Creator would create ONLY one single person for each of us?
Then if we lose them to death, (which is a certainty for one of you) that would be pretty unfair, especially if it happens in youth.

But sure, I know what you mean about connecting uniquely to someone. I'm hoping you will realize that as YOU evolve and grow, YOU are changing.

You are becoming a different, changed for the better man. Therefore, your needs and the suitability of your "soul mate" will evolve as well. Your former wife is no longer the soul mate for you, but there are soul mates out there for you. Why wouldn't there be?

I think there are many many women out there, who'd make great partners for you. And it only takes one to "win this game."

(Make ^^ sense?)

Chances are you will have a deeper relationship with your future partner.
I think You will be a better, more loving, more "fully present" husband. From personal experience I can say that the marriage you have in the future (which you will create) can and will be deeper than it ever could have been, otherwise.

Crazy, eh? But hey, These are good things^^.

As for this holiday season - I'm thinking we both need to create new different traditions, Or travel somewhere new, or both...

If you can plan some different activities in advance,
(nothing that reminds you of her, if possible) you can lessen the expected pain.

In conclusion, even though I urge changes for your own protection,

I hope in your case, that some changes are not made. It's my hope that the threads & themes of dignity, honor and strength that you have shown, remain constants in your life.

You really have borne your loss with such grace, that I'm hard pressed not to think this has yielded great strides in you spiritually and emotionally.

I see good things for you Rys - right around the corner, truly.

((( )))