Wayward Wife, my addiction, advice needed

[sandi2]

From the counselor, the 4 'conditions' have to follow in order. NC, then transparency, then MC, then wife IC.

Well I agree with you about the order of the last two.

My counselor says it takes 20 love deposits to negate one withdrawl, and for SOOO long I was thinking it was a 1:1 ratio. Many good interactions will need to happen to get her to understand where I'm coming from - a place that wants to see reconciliation.

Is the counselor talking about love deposits after the WW ends her A, or while she's still contacting OM? I understand about the love bank concept.....and I agree with Dr. Harley's teaching about it. However, when the woman is wayward and involved in an A....she has a closed heart to her husband. How do you make a deposit if the account is closed?

To me, it is comparable to the LL book. The LL book is powerful and very informative. Every couple should know the LL of their S and apply it. However, if the S is in an active A, applying the information from the LL book will seem very pursuing to the WS. I would think the same applies for the love deposits. It would be a challenge not to appear pursuing. So, you have to keep things balanced when taking in all this information.

This is a little example of how things can get confusing when you start getting counseling, reading marriage improvement books, and getting advice from various sources. You have to consider the status of your MR, and where you are on the road to recovery....or if you are headed in that direction.

Did the counselor say this in the presence of your W?