Wow this is such a deep post, I have been in a state of separation from my W for a year now. She has been living with OM this entire time. I was told she had started the D paperwork now I find out she decided not to finish. I had decided to move on based off her telling me she filed already, even though I am still married, but I have been wondering daily these past few months. "What do I want, how do I see my life now and in the future. What will make ME happy. All these things I have realized take time. And not just tick tock. Time but interspective time, honest time, tough time." After a year apart I am now in a very good place. When I last talked to my W she tried to explain that she loved me and she was not happy with OM. But she immediately tried to push blame off on me as well with the all too common "I really miss you, you are my best friend etc. Etc. BUT the things WE have done to one another are hard to get past.!" I expressed that I was in a good place now and ok with the way things turned out. The very next day I get a email from W saying she didn't want to communicate anymore because she deserves to be happy like me and she is going to try and be happy with OM and she can't do that with me in her life. To this I just chuckled. I mean if you're not happy now what makes any one think they will get happy. But I replied by saying I respected her honest and straightforward approach and I agreed it was best to end all commo. So i blocked her email, phone number everything, last week. She has my adress and that is good enough. Well lo and behold I get a email from her work email, saying I can use the vehicle when I go back to hawaii to run the marathon in two weeks and that she would pick me up if I needed a ride. I deleted it instantly. I summarized this to point out that once you do the hard time and take care of yourself things clear up. I stayed alone through the worst time of my life, while she jumped from an 8 year relationship to another serious one, I had to be interspective and rebuild voids and broken Parts inside me, she is just filling a void with another emotional filler. am filing for D as of this week. I realized my W is broken beyond what I thought and only she can fix it. I now know it's ok that I still love her and it is ok for me to move on and find someone who will give me what I need and deserve. I hope this helps you when it comes to tough decisions that are sure to come.
-Be strong enough to see the changes that need to come but BE BRAVO enough to take those steps that are required. In the end your gut feeling will not lead you down the wrong path.
