dday, attempting to find clarity

[dday]

tl2, I was doing my own thing of course! Of course all of my buddies were in similar positions in their lives too, dating and no kids. Not so much now. I have one friend (the one in DC) that has been through this, so I have been picking his brain.

az, I was just talking to my preacher friend about letting go. I have realized more today that this is all about her. This spring, between BD and S, W was unhappy with me, wanted a new car-and got it after I hit a deer in hers, wanted a baby-which she denies ever saying, wanted a boob job. Went from being a people pleaser to not lifting a finger, which I enabled.

Losing dad, and W being there with me, cemented us together for life in my mind. I wouldn't have made it through without her help. (Almost lost my sis in that wreck). I need to find a way to limit our interactions together. They are always pleasant and I leave asking WTF, why are we splitting up?

I'm afraid that I have tied letting go with quitting. I have to separate the two. She has quit. I am still standing, but my legs are tired. I need to live for myself and boys. Time to be selfish for a bit and have some fun. Meetups here aren't much of an option, very limited. I will have to keep my eyes open though.