Jpeg- I'm sorry it's under these circumstances, but I'm glad to meet you and I hope we can help each other through this.
I understand how trying a divorce can be and the desire to help friends when they are hurting, but I don't really understand how it shifts to an EA. I suspect that those involved can't clearly define when friendships turn into something more, but it is clear that it happened in both our cases. And the younger colleagues of your H are pigs.
A few follow up questions about you - what kind of science do you do? Academic or Industry? Do you work with your H?
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
I don't honestly know. I thought she'd broken it off with the OM, which is why we did the MC. There was a few days when I found her at home crying after work and I wasn't sure if it was about the OM or work. Our counseling has now ended and it's clear they are back together now.
It's possible she broke things off while we were in counseling, but decided to start things up again now that we're not. But realistically she was probably seeing him the whole time.
One of the problems is that she doesn't know I know they are back together, so it's hard for me to push the issue. I simply wasn't in the right frame of mine to confront her again when I found out. I need to get it out into the open, but (and I hate to admit this) I'm scared. Not so much of her reaction, but mine. I could very easily see myself trying to beat the living snot outta the OM, or start crying like a baby, or telling my wife that I never want to see her again.
None of those responses are productive and I'm trying to figure out better alternatives. Does anyone have any suggestions?
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
I agree with everything you said. I guess my problem is how to not continue dating. I made a commitment to change and I hate going back on my word. Maybe I'm struggling because it was one of the roots to our unhappy marriage (not spending time). Maybe because I'm still holding out hope that she will see the changes I've made. Maybe because I'm adamant (to myself) to incorporate this change in me for the long term.
But it really just boils down to my head spinning out of control yet again and I can't see the reality of the situation
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
Hey Sci. I teach. As does H Same institution. Different campuses. (I'm trying not to be too identifiable). I am an introvert as well where H is a HUGE extrovert on the grandest scale imaginable. He has always had his little pets in his department but they always respected that he was a family man with an amazing wife. Well I guess I became less amazing and he found someone else intriguing and she responded &$@$&$@@&. That's about as close as I ever come to swearing
