I gotta throw my womanly opinion at you for what I think your wifey might be doing
She is asking you for 2 completely differently things. I think she is checking to see which one you give her.
On the one hand she is saying she had a problem with you being a bit needy about the R. She felt you had insecurities about her leaving. She wants NONE of that, and is worried to see it.
On the other hand, she wants you to open up to her, but if you show her you are insecure, like she is asking, you have just majorly broken her fear above.
Feel free to tell me if I am over-simplifying, but I would be a bit cautious about the 'sharing of feelings'. Unless, of course, those feelings are pre-approved by her.
I am not saying she is deliberately setting a trap. People don't REALLY know what they want. She may think she does not want your insecurities, but not realize that your insecurities boost her ego.
I would err on the side of caution and not show her insecurities (not that you have any!)
I died a tiny bit inside when you said you would be leaving for a year, but you clearly said you would have internet access so don't go leavin us behind!
To sweeten the deal and keep you around, you can even call me Woofie
I am very very proud of what you have accomplished ON YOUR OWN! Moving a mountain was a little hard, but you did it!
This was gold Mona, thank you so much for your perspective. This strikes at the core of some of my W and my communication issues. As I said, ask me anything and I'll tell you. She volunteered her info and I did tell her a bit about my life, but we were coming from two very different perspectives as LBH and WAS. If she had asked I would have honestly told her about everything I've done other than DB'ing.
I appreciate how you worded this, it does make sense to me. She's interested in what I've learned this year, in how the experience of the year has shaped me. If I weren't DB'ing I wouldn't even be talking to her and just to get it out there, it makes me happy on some level to talk about it. Not because I think it's going to get me anywhere but because she never thought it was possible in me and to this day says that she's light years ahead of me in personal development. That in itself really lets me know where she's at in her own development.
This isn't a competition but there's a certain flame that gets lit under the LBS that provides the impetus for massive change. While she played and bbq'ed all summer I read books, went to counseling, posted on here, spoke with coaches, and threw myself into self development - all with the hopes that it would bring her back. She didn't have that kind of incentive. I did. And it fueled me. Pain is one hell of a motivator. I've never worked so hard in my life to change.
Now I have the luxury of truly believing that she's not coming back so I can share with her without any underlying desire to win her over. Truthfully that makes me want to even hold back because much of what I've gone through this year and learned about myself is not to be shared with someone who is so callous with my feelings. Whether I'm legally married to her or not.
My year of travel is the same buffer that she's now got up with the D. I can share with her because underneath the sharing is "I'm gone for a full year and possibly forever if I find somewhere to stay or someone that makes me want to stay." as opposed to "Gosh I hope this changes your mind."
Now I'm rambling.
Thank you for your post, I'm sorry things have been hard with you. I'm keeping you in my thoughts.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
