Rd moving on 12

[PigPen]

Happy Birthday Brother RD! Wish I could give you a big man hug and take you out for a drink (I'll have bubbly water).

V did a much better job than I could taking your post line by line. I agree with everything she said. You're still in a tough spot brother. Sure you've got your external life organized, you're successful in all the areas that you need to as a man and a father, but it sounds from here that you're still grieving Rd.

No offense, but you got (censored) over by your EXW. That doesn't just go away because the rope has been dropped. That's a process like Lady V said. It may take years before she's out of your heart.

Also, it sounds like your EXW has her life set up to be just dysfunctional enough to still rely on you. So you get to interact with her, but only in ways that are taking from you, not in ways that actually give anything to you. She gets in trouble, you step in. She needs money for the kids, you step in.

Every time you step in though, not only are you doing something for her or giving something to her externally, but it's also a reminder of her and that's painful! So it's a double hit to you, but it's a double hit that happens under the table. If she showed up at your house, took money out of your wallet and slapped you in the face, that'd be honest. This is all covert.

Of course you're still a mess. Pink is right, your spouses are pulling the same thing.

"I'm sorry, I wish I could change it....now let me do things that really hurt you under the guise of needing something from you be it fins or affection."

Sorry man, you're still in this. It sounds like you're going to be in it for a while too. Until she pulls herself together or realizes she has to go elsewhere to get her needs met, she's going to keep showing up and hurting you with her requests.

I've still got my fingers crossed that you and Pink end up together, and that I run into you both at an airport someday!

Stay strong Rd. Do what's best for Rd and his kids. Keep doing that.

PP