Rd moving on 12

[Vanilla]

Hi all. Came back to post because while I followed everyone's posts I just feel my story is over

This is just another phase, your story is just beginning.

The last couple of weeks of stuck to not speaking to EXW about anything other than kids.

I think this is the right approach.

That hasn't stopped her contacting me but I'm polite and listen without really saying much.

RD, if you need to be polite that's ok, it isn't failure. It just is.

I'm sort of lost at the moment and it's more to do with dropping the rope without being heartless or uncaring.

Sometimes simply doing what is best for RD is enough. This is unfamiliar territory for you, that's all. In time this phase will just be part of your journey. Without a map you will be lost for a while. That's also ok.

EXW had a nice car when she left but it was expensive to run and she sold it and bought something much worse and just as expensive to run

She has had no MOT ( certificate of roadworthy ) for three months now and the car has many problems that make it worth next to nothing.

Her choice.

I offered to buy EXW a replacement as I know she cannot afford to continue to run her car She asked for time to think as she didn't feel it was right for me to have to pay for her car A few days later EXW text me to accept but I had Ickes her on my phone so did not receive the text. She called later from a landline and asked if I had received text and I said no. She explained that she had wanted to accept my offer but it' didn't matter now I was not in good form and said ok .

If you feel it's right to do this and it works for RD then it's ok.

Every nonth I pay 200 euro in EXWs account as she still pays two direct debits for the house and a personal loan she took out for us Last month around he 19th EXW asked could I pay the money in early as she wanted to buy S16 some presents for his birthday. I didn't do it for a couple of days and I got a text from EXW to say her car insurance had been cancelled because the direct debit was returned unpaid. I sorted insurance and paid in the 200.

If you make a commitment then honor it. Otherwise say no.

EXW called me on Monday , S17s birthday to say could she borrow 200 euro for presents for Christmas I didn't really answer and we talked about other things
She told me her Dad had made a DVD out of some old VHs tapes of S20 riding his first motorbike at 2 years old and would I like to see it. I answered I would love to and could she leave it at the house and I would get it copied

Be straight if it's no. Say no.

At the moment EXW thinks we are spending Xmas together but I plan on not being there.

Then tell her, be straight forward about it.

My questions for my friends on here are,

1. I have dropped the rope and if anything I'm the one making it clear to EXW that I'm not interested in another R but obviously I care for her so feel leaving her to sink in her financial mess is the wrong thing to do .

That was the choice WW made when leaving. If your commitment is 200 pay it. Be clear that's it.

By the same token it seems OM is nothing more than a friend ( Intel from SIL ) so should I help ?

OM is irrelevant I feel this. If OM wasn't there would you assist. If yes for how long?

Not for any other reason than she's desperate ?

Do this for you and the kids, make your commitment, car and 200 and that's it. Then draw the line.

2. My insecurities have ended any chance of reconciliation

No, WW sacked you as her H. You may also have insecurities which of LBS don't but really this isn't you my dear bruv


and I do feel that while I'm there for EXW I'm making her suffer while she is depressed.

WW is responsible for her own sitch and her feelings. RD has no control over whether WW is depressed or no.


By making her suffer I mean she reaches out and I slam the door ( figuratively ).

WW isn't reaching out, she is looking for fin support. Don't confuse the two RD. Decide what is acceptable to you and acknowledge it.

I'm not saying she's trying to reconcile but she is trying to be a friend and supportive.

Mind reading RD.

Should I open the door ?

i don't think you ever closed it. And that is ok, you know.

I can't stand anymore pain and feel that closing the door regardless of EXWs efforts ( or not ) maybe easier.

It isn't a once and for all thing and that's ok too. If for you then you need your privacy do so. I recollect saying to you on many occasions that I felt you needed your own space. That WW had too much access to your inner sanctum, then if now is the time, take your privacy. That's ok, to do that which is best for you.

3. I'm slipping back regards mindfulness and while EXW has no idea , she is on my mind way to much
Thats ok too.

Will this be forever ?

That doesn't matter at all. If she is, she is the mother of your children. You can stand.

4 I have no interest in dating and have tried to see how I felt.

There can be many reasons for it, you are not ready, wrong lady, too little GAL.

Obviously Pink is the exception here !!!!!!

I'm lost , I'm not in the emtional turmoil of a newcomer but I feel that I've reached a level I can't get past

You will in time and there is plenty of it. No rush RD. It's a phase you know, part of the grief curve. It's the holding pattern down phase of the Kubler Ross cycle. It happens to all of us in different ways and it is what it is. breathe, what is happening is absolutely completely, totally part of the process.

I'm very lucky compared to others

I got my kids , my house , 99% of my income and EXW tells me she doesn't regret our M , I'm a great dad , I'm the one person she can trust , she's sorry for how she acted and wishes she could go back two years and take anti d's to stop this mess from every happening I get no spew and plenty of positive signs from EXW. ( 2 calls and ;4 texts on my birthday last sat ).

Happy Birthday RD

I feel bad for posting

STOP. Immediately, everyone has a different sitch. Yours is tough in a different way. Your sitch is as important as any other.

because I see the heartache some posters get and when I read they are being told that their Ex is happier without them it upsets me let alone them.

So........ Your sitch is different, there will be other posters other lurkers who will relate.

EXW tells me she is very unhappy and doesn't know what to do and has even asked me to tell her. ( I advised I/C )

Its her choice RD, her sitch, her emotion. It's her hook for the rope.

I suppose after posting all of the above I should just be grateful that I'm in the position I am

Gratitude is always a good choice.

Sometimes you forget how helpful it is to write things down

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RD you are where you are. Breathe, it's all part of the process.

V