Sometimes the hardest thing to do is nothing, but sometimes that's the right thing to do.
IMO most WWs start from one of two places: they feel neglected or lonely OR they feel like they are the parent. become resentful on both accounts.
Resentment turns to a lack of respect and that causes a W to start looking on the other side of the fence And that's how it starts, just looking, but it can progress very quickly from there.
When they get to that point, they're not looking for "date nights" or romance; when they make that decision, they're basically done with you, they just need to "make sure" that this other guy will pan out, that's why things happen so similarly for all of the people here.
She doesn't know what she wants and you can't expect her to. that's what these guys are saying: YOU have to know what YOU want...
so what does ktfo want? Do you know? and I'm talking about what you want for you, not your W or your M.
WWs and WAWs need to feel a sense of loss; They need to feel like you are moving on with your life, with or without them.
by telling her that you want to do all this romantic stuff, make time for her etc, etc, you are putting pressure on her because she doesn't want that and she already feels guilty about what she's done. All you're doing is making her feel more guilty because she doesn't want what you want. YOU are pushing HER away!!!
The other thing there is that she knows that you want this. She can leave you on the back burner as long as she wants knowing that she can have you whenever she wants. Do we ever want what we can have? If you ate ice cream everyday, would it be a treat anymore?
get a picture of who you want to be. Not who she wants you to be and not who you think she wants you to be.
set some goals. (IE: I want to be more assertive) then come up with a plan of how you will meet those goals. The goals should be specific enough that you will be able to tell when you're making progress.
She can't respect you if she feels like the changes are for her benefit because they won't last
She can't respect you if she knows she can have you whenever she's ready (which, if you keep this up, she's going to decide she doesn't want you)
She will use anything as an excuse to validate her past decisions until she is truly remorseful.
Be the best version of yourself and don't worry about her.
When she's ready or wants to talk, then validate.
Detach. Work on you. Be you. She loved you before, she can again, but you can't force her to do that.
In closing:
Treat her like a pet bird that's flown away... You could chase her from tree to tree but she's just going to keep hopping along. All you can really do is leave a window open. She has to decide she wants this.
