You know my wife and I are texting back and forth today, and again she's like when are you going to improve? I'm like it takes time you did the most devastating thing you can in a marriage it takes time. I mean try being me! WTF so, youre blaming her? AND playing the victim? Im not sure either of these are helping your cause. Why not just say "Im working to become the man I want to be." Why say anything more than that?
Anyways, I say look we have the opportunity to build a better us, we can take this shitty situation and make us better in the end! But, isnt it clear that she isnt ready to actually DO anything yet?
it's exciting that we can take us an make us better..plus a bunch of other positive things. I said lets do stuff for us, be selfish for us.. go bowling, go for walks, goto a museum.. So, she cheats on you, and your response is to try to do all of this special stuff to "reconnect"? Thats a LOT of pressure to put on someone that doesnt even know if they want in the marriage...
She responds with "well I think you want fireworks. You want it to be lovey dovey" I'm like WTF are you talking about? I said, make us better! go bowling goto a movie, go for a walk build US, an where the F*K did I say lovey dovey? So now I'm just pissed off! of course you are. You started this talk with all kinds of expectations and she isnt meeting them.
I want to tell her well maybe if we opened up to each other more and were lovey f*king dovey you wouldn't have strayed! Made that 1x mistake or wtfever you want to call it. No. Dont say this.
I'm trying to heal, trying to get better, as I said to her simple things trip me up and smack me in the face an get the mind going and racing. I want to get through this and get better and get US better.. What this comes off as is that you need HER help to make YOU better. And she isnt ready to commit to that. What can you do to make yourself better? Have you set goals for yourself?
but she immiediately reads into things and says you're putting pressure on me (the counselor I maybe doing it).. I wasn't though. Yes. You were.
I said if you want us to go back to the way we were then we're wasting our time and this is going to happen again you or me. I'm fighting this fight and then getting this BS.. the worst part, was I was starting to feel better today after our earlier talks, then this. Now I'm like why bother! HHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. I will goto sleep before I get submitted in jiu jitsu, I'm not willing to tapout. I maybe getting there sooner with her than i ever thought, I want this to work.. but I don't know if she get it. Stop. Focusing. On. Her. Stop. Focusing. On. Your. Marriage.
What are you doing for YOU?
I'm in the belly of hell, the lowest ever looking for light, I see some light and then bam! Why the hell should I bother, where it's almost as if I say hey lets go out to dinner you and me.. her general response would be "that's too much pressure. you just want sex. you just want to be lovey dovey" Are you listening to ANY of the advice youve gotten here? Have you read Sandi's rules? Have you read the welcome links? At all?
