Wayward Wife, my addiction, advice needed

[trumpet]

I had my addiction counseling this morning. A few of the goals of the counseling is to forgive my wife and myself, and set good boundaries to live by.

I discovered that my wife is still looking at apartments, and might still be in communication with the EA. I did confront her on it, and she denies it, but she said she is 'scared' and 'doesn't know what to do'. I told her it's simple - I refuse to live in an open marriage, and want NC with EA. Secondly, I want complete transparency, which means she's not looking for another place to stay, she's not hiding her accounts on me (she is), and that we THEN can move forward with MC.

Until that happens, we cannot move forward, and meeting with our pastor would seem like a waste of his time. I am prepared to tell him that on Friday. The wife has until then to come clean.

The addiction counselor (who's Christian) is trying to help ME be the best ME there can be, and helping to ME move past the hurt. His recommendation was to add 2 more conditions/boundaries... if there is transparancy, and NC, then we can do MC, and also wife needs to go to counseling to deal with the long-standing scars of her life and growing up, which puts her into the 'fight or flight' reactions I'm so used to seeing for the last 20 years.

In our MC last Friday, she called up my addiction counseling as a waste. She questioned if I had an addiction, and that I was using it as an excuse. It hurt, but I realized then that she was trapped in the 'session', so she was fighting to get the upper hand. My daily exercise and bible study also bothers her a lot, and she mentioned it. Her personal demons are coming back, and since she has no outlet now (me or the EA), she's completely locked up.

She couldn't even make supper last night for the kids - I got home, she looked like hell, and said she felt like throwing up all day. She then laid on the floor for an hour while I made and cleaned up supper.

There is a small part of me that enjoys watching this, I have to admit. The EA is ending, from outward appearances, but she's in limbo, and doesn't know what to do. She's still digging the hole. I will reinforce my boundaries, and let her know that I truly care about her, and want her to get any help she needs.