I haven't yet gotten to the point that I don't wonder what her response will be to xyz.
Just so that we're clear, it's OK to wonder what her response will be to something.
What you want to avoid is choosing your actions based on the response you expect or hope you will get.
For example: Decision - does dday make change X to the separation agreement? Choice A - do nothing. W is likely happy. Dday loses money or time or something. Choice B - propose change.
Its likely that she will be upset or that a fight will start if you choose option B. But you think it's best for you and the boys, so you choose to do option B. This is the goal. Now that youve made that choice, it's ok to wonder what her reaction will be and how this could affect other things going forward.
What is NOT ok is to choose option A, because ou want to avoid a fight or because you hope to make her happy.
You do the first thing enough times, eventually, you stop caring what her reaction is.
