Crazy is normal, Not good just normal. It is one of the many emotional states you will go through until you stabilize.
When people say they are on a rollercoaster ride they mean it.
The unfortunate thing is that damage control goes out the window. Consequences are no longer an issue. You have an objective and dont give a sh1t about them.
If you read the posts here, whatever your sex, there is a pattern we all start off from when BD hits. As men and women are wired differently the recovery may be similar but the day to day i think is different.
In your case i understand you and feel for you. I know what you are going through. Unfortunately as my parents also split up when I was young I also know what it feels like to a LBC (left behind child). I know what it is to be dragged into a slagging match and artillery barrage of negative emotions between 2 people who hate each other. I am supposed to attack/defend 2 opposing forces that I loved, both of them. It is cruel and I always advocate that children are not leverage.
I am also against the WS/WAS that also leave the children behind or those that use custody as a tool to effect injury to the other party because they are emotionally immature.
Zero tolerance.
When I read your posts I was disappointed you had chosen that option. Please stop it period. No excuses.
Going back to you. You are still a loooong way to go to be detached. It sounds easy, people vent and then mention it as a mental reminder but truth is even the pro's are hit with emotional arrows everytime that the S says something that triggers off a memory. We are human, make mistakes and have feelings. The thing is you STILL need to do it and also GAL. Until you start enforcing them for some time you will not see any benefits. When you do, it is like someone tuned on a LED in a tunnel to lead the way out.
In the meantime you will feel pain, as you are now, be lost and confused. Don't worry, help is at hand. From those that know a lot to those who just offer support, you will feel comforted, helped and cared for by the people here. And no I am not the forum PR.
Your W has her mind on the OM. He is the new love of her life. As simple as that. She quit her job as your W and fired you as her H. Now she has feelings for someone else. When a W goes rogue I understand that the chances and probability of getting her back are very small.
Women are emotional creatures and our logic and way of thinking is different. We speak in mathematics, logic and equations, etc. They speak poetry, latin, etc. What we think should work generally doesnt if we think like a man.
You are thinking like a man dont. If you understand what is going through her head when she sends those messages and icons you will have a grasp what it is she is missing or looking for. The OM just hit the jackpot with your W. [censored].
When I first found out about my W EAPA i hit the roof. Truth is after some nice conversations and posts from members I realized I ignited it. I had a PA some time ago that made my W feel unloved and she got into an EAPA. She also sent icons and lovey messages to OM and never to me in all these years. Why? I never made her feel loved and desired. Focusing my attention on my OW I neglected my W who felt this and drifted until she met OM. It started as a friendly R but I know guys and if we see a vulnerable woman we go into stereo mode and think with both our heads.
I am not saying what she did was right, same as what I did was wrong but after some deep soul searching I realized in all honesty i cant throw that stone. I also realized that I was and am not the guy I thought I was.
So how do I expect to get icons and messages again? First off, dont expect anything. Expect means that you think you will achieve your goals at the end of the day. In these cases you have NO guarantees.
Rephrase it to how can I get my wife to want to sext me. As an example not final goal.
Your first obstacle is the OM. While he has her attention you are on the sidelines. I said this before... you are now the waterboy and going head to head with the quaterback. You have to start working on yourself in all ways possible. Emotionally and physically. Here is where detaching and GAL get into play. One thing... do not do it with one eye on the road and the other on your W. That will just wear you down, it changes the motivation from doing something to improve yourself to something to get a reaction from W. The less she reacts if at all, the quicker you wear down the motivation.
If you flip it around and work on yourself for yourself you will see change and that will INCREASE motivation to continue. It is through this change that your W will hopefully start to see a change in you.
We mention here dropping the rope, read up on it, it works. The moment your W sees you have shifted your interest to something else and she is no longer in your scope it may also puzzle her. Put everything in the mix, fast forward some time and she sees a change in you for the better as well as a chance to lose you. Here is where you may start to have a fighting chance of a new R with your W.
One thing that people forget as did I... you dont want your old MR back. It didnt work so why want it back? If you have become 123 2.0 and your W wants in, she has already changed. Remember she has started sexting, some feelings have woken up. Hopefully your W will be W 2.0 in MR 2.0.
While you still use the words, how could she, why should I, i remember, she did this, she did that, after all that i... you get the picture. You will not advance.
She has taken you to the cleaners emotionally but you still want her back so stop reminiscing about the past and understand that interactions from her with OM are normal ... for a person in that state. It does hurt and will for some time but that is the price. That is why I always think we should sit down and see if it is worth it. Go through all this to get a person sexting or sleeping with someone else. Once we decide then we need sheer determination to move ahead and it will be like walking against a gale force wind with emotional debris socking it to us every step of the way.
Ok, so now I have painted a rosy picture of your future, think about your next steps. You will need a LOT of patience as these things take time, months and months or longer. Each one to his own level of patience before quitting or admitting there is no way to get the s back.
One final thing, she CAN stop him from texting her. It is called cuting ties and she could do that with a message or call. If he insists then it is harrasement or stalking and comes into the jurisdiction of the p1ssed off and protective husband.
While I will never advocate violence I do find that explaining to someone the irresistible force paradox or as the chinese flics call it clench fist v pretty cheekbone to the OM does yield results.
I will get hammered by pros but hope to have been of help.
