Black and white

[Zues126]

So I have been struggling at work the last couple of months. I'll spare the details for the most part. Basically it's a roller coaster sales position. I fell into the trap. Things were going really well for a while this summer, I got a little complacent and didn't prepare for the winter. There is some seasonality and I got a little sloppy. Now I'm paying for it, and I'm having a couple of poor months (plus I've had some major meltdowns as I mentioned).

I keep waiting for the killer in me to wake up. It's hard to explain, but I'm a lot like Popeye. Without my spinach I'm not a wimp...I'm still a big, strong guy (in the sense that I'm always capable and solid at what I do). But there are a lot of big strong guys, and I don't really stand out. What makes me a CHAMPION is that when I'm in the clutch...when those times come when some people fall and some people step up...when it's that fork in the road where 999 people go the easy way and the 1 person goes the hard way...that's when I eat my spinach and take it to another level. I've found that being the best isn't really that hard, it's just doing that one extra step a few times here and there. When I know the game is on the line I always step it up, and once I get fired up I find a level that is almost inhuman.

But this hasn't been happening. If you'll recall my post when I was talking about not recognizing myself in the mirror...this isn't just in my head. It's true. I keep waiting for myself to kick into high gear...but it's like trying to start a car with a dead battery. It's just not turning over.

So yesterday I was talking to one of my friends that has known me for 6-7 years. He's in the same job I have, I actually helped him get the job. He used to work for me when I was a manager, he was always the top sales guy. In fact, he and I are 2 of the top 3 highest producing sales people I've known in 15 years.

Anyway...we're talking and he's SO fired up. Making plans for national conquest, setting his eyes on the #1 guy in the country and talking about how to out perform that guy. Me, I'm just feeling like 'meh, I don't care, just want to hit my goals and pay my bills, and I'm not excited about the work I have to do to get even that far'. Suddenly he says to me: "I don't think you're acknowledging how much what you're going through is impacting you."

He didn't mean it in a mean or disrespectful way. He actually meant it in a positive way. What he was saying is that he's known me for a long time, he knows the energy I normally bring, the passion, the fight, the drive...and he just isn't used to seeing me so lethargic. But he says that's fine, that's normal. He says it's almost like mild depression, where I don't enjoy the things I used to, like overcoming obstacles and scaling tall challenges. But he said that anyone would feel that way, and that I'm not over the hill, I'm not making excuses...I'm just human, and that if I can keep grinding it out now, it won't be long when I feel better and better. Then, combined with my experience and the second wind I'll feel when I start feeling that passion again...then I'll be back on top.

It was a relief to hear. I have been a bit disengaged, and I'm paying the price of not flying high at work right now. I am trying to recommit to the hard work, so I made my motivation list. The reasons I work hard every day. I will review them daily:


I enjoy knowing that I will succeed each month, rather than worrying about results
I enjoy knowing that I can achieve consistent results based on my skill, rather than hoping to get lucky
I enjoy overcoming fear, discomfort, and laziness, to do things most people avoid
I enjoy being the best at what I do
I enjoy working with good clients that appreciate the value I bring
I enjoy having enough customers that I can 'fire' problem customers
I enjoy being busy enough my performance is never at the mercy of one customer, one underwriting decision, one technology issue
I enjoy setting an example to my family of how to play the game
I enjoy making the kind of money that solves all of my financial problems and allows me to provide a future for myself and my family
I enjoy knowing I will always have a spot on the team regardless of changes in the environment around me


Long post...bottom line, I'm going to grind through until I find my spinach. It's really hard, sales isn't much fun when you're not doing well...that's why I've never allowed myself to be here. I've gained some humility, I didn't think I'd be in this spot. But I'll fight my way out. And though I thought the pain was gone it's clear I'm still managing it and it's taking it's toll. Someday soon I'll find that extra bounce in my step, then it's going to be curtains. I'm going to come at Chip like a SpiderMonkey.

Thanks for reading