Yup, it stands for Rising Above It - IV

[raliced]

Chin Up Buddy. I don't want to be a hypocrite - I have had concerns with some of these things at one time or another. But let me see what I can do to offer some reassurance.

Let's see here....

1) They usually buy things that I don't approve of or are not good/healthy for the kids.
2) They buy things for the kids that I was going to buy for them - to steal my thunder.
3) They may expose my children to age-inappropriate things.

I'm going to lump all of these together. Your in-laws may very well steal your thunder and buy the kids age inappropriate things. Look - this happens all the time, even in functional that are not in the throes of divorce. First of all, usually kids tire of new toys pretty quickly, now matter how special and shiny. Second- turn this around and view this as an opportunity to talk to your kids about your own values, how these items may conflict with them, and get them to think about what they want their values to be. I had to get D7 a phone recently. I hated doing it - but wanted her to have it in case of emergency or if there was some misunderstanding with her dad about who was picking her up. I limit her to two ten minute phone calls a day and she's not allowed to take calls after dinner. We had a long conversation about the fact that when we are together as a family in the evening, it's important that we all be present for one another and not have our noses burrowed into our electronics (I make sure I put my phone away too). So far, its worked well. Yesterday she did answer her phone after dinner, but it was only to tell her friend that she couldn't talk because it was family time. So far, so good.

4) They may encourage the kids to transgress Jewish customs/Sabbath in our home.

RAI- it's hard to raise kids in a faith. And ultimately, when they grow up, they are going to make their own decisions. Just like the inappropriate gifts, this is an area that you can influence. You can model the behavior that you value. You can explain why it is meaningful to you and them. Ultimately, they will have to draw their own conclusions. Sure, it would be easier and more helpful if your entire extended family was on the same page. But they aren't. And that is going to be your reality. It may have already been your reality. Work with what you've got. It's enough.

5) They may invite OM to our house. The last time they visited there were a bunch of new flowers in our flower bed. Ostensibly planted by my 79 year old FIL, and not by the OM - who is a landscaper- give me a break!!

Ew..yes that's icky. I remember how it felt when I realized OW had been in my home. Yuck. Ultimately, it's pretty small potatoes and I think you know that.

6) They may be delivering documents to Ws L that will condemn my case. My W is now claiming that a gift we received from my FIL for the down payment on our house was, in fact, a loan. I am fearful they will produce a document - real or forged - and they will use this to get the house for free.

Usually when you get a mortgage with help from relatives, they have to supply a gift letter stating that they don't expect the money back as a condition of the loan. Did they do that? Yes- they could forge something and persuade a judge- but you I bet you have a compelling case on your side as well (are there any history of payments being made on this "loan"?). Don't assume the worst will happen.