December is also the anniversary of my own bomb. I know it, and 12 years later, still don't like knowing I remember it and it just is what it is.
This journey is along a continuum. It's not linear and sometimes it's not even logical. The holidays are bound to stir up those feelings of abandonment and despair.
That being said, I recommend a healthy dose of looking at it through a new pair of glasses. It will help you and your D if you can see things through the lens of "what I have" instead of "what I don't have". It's living in an abundant mindset. You may not have a H, but you have lots more that you didn't have back then. Maybe focus on those things that you love about your life and let everything else sit on a low back burner?
I know when my girls were younger, I tried to create new traditions along the way - mix things up. I did it more for myself than them. It just kept my perspective a little more fresh?
About loneliness. I learned the hard way (time) that it's all about me. You can be with people and lonely too. Maybe give yourself a Christmas present this year - something that you've always wanted to do but haven't had resources to make it work? Maybe self imposed limits prevent you from giving to yourself. Once I started to nurture that part of my own growth, the loneliness really dissipated. It's not to say that sometimes I don't wish for companionship when it's not available. I do. But the deep loneliness has flown away because I'm now my own best friend. I give me what I'd give someone else. And I appreciate it too!
Sorry if this is a bit cheesy. But sometimes the answers are found in the cheesy things in life.
It's December 1st. Declare it "I LOVE CLAIRE Month" and give yourself a bucket list of Christmas joy. Doesn't that sound more fun that wishing someone else would give it to you?
Heck, I think I might make it I love Betsey month here too. It sounds like a great idea LOL.
Hugs! Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
