Grlonfr - thanks for the support - Yes, I agree that it would be a good choice for just now. Let go of the old and ugly and if there is any chance, then it will be anew.
I really need to put it all to rest for my own good. I noticed that it is very hard to function with the ghost of my X inside my thoughts.
I believe that I am being my worse enemy because I am choosing to hold on to what is not there anymore.
Yes, it is very hard to hear him saying how much he still loves me, that he is starting to realize how much of a jerk he was to me during our M. But the truth is that if he is considering all what he is saying, then his attitude would be a lot different towards our R.
Instead, I am getting to the conclusion that he really believes that if he recognize his mistakes and faults, that he will feel better about himself and will be easier to move on.
At the end, he is still the taker, very selfish jerk, and I am still the giver, very stupid indeed.
PP - your words hold a lot of truth. I feel totally lost when it come to understand what is going on in XH's mind. I still don't get when someone moved on, does not want the R and is still around like a killer bee.
It is confusing and painful. XH is always trying to impress me, make a point that he is changing, showing me that he can be a much better husband. He goes far as to call my attention on how much he can be there for me, that he cares and wants to be present. Is he that sick? Does MLC does this things to people?
I have my doubts on the whole MLC issue, sometimes I think he just calculate everything. And then other times, I think that he lost his mind. The fact that he thinks we are not done because we are still talking is crazy, and I can't rap my head around it.
I need distance, I feel better when he is out of the picture, I feel myself and like it. Once he is back in the picture, I start feeling sad, frustrated, unhappy, insecure.
I guess he needs to go for good. I gave my first baby step, and I hope I will keep on the right track this time. I know how painful is on the other side of the it, so why to put myself there again?
I won't stop posting this time. I tough I was ready to tackle it all by myself, but realized that I am too vulnerable and weak. I will get all the help I need to get myself out of this roller coaster for good.
Thanks again, I do not have enough words to thank everyone that so gently give me so many good advices and care about me.
