I have however made it very clear to W that there would be no circumstance in which our kids or our home would be in contact with anyone outside of our family. The consequences of this would probably be considered jealousy by some but to me it is a matter of self respect. This I will not compromise. I'm not saying it would be anything violent or physical but would surely result in immediate and uncomfortable change in our situation.
While I understand that I can't control her actions,I can hwever control my reaction to it. Of course we never know until we are in a particular predicament, but at this point I would immediately start down the path of D. This boundary is non-negotiable for me right now. I also believe that she is in agreement with it at this point. But I have made the mistake of trusting her before.
This sounds a little contridictive. Maybe I am misunderstanding. Anyway, let me just encourage you to be cautious in what you say to your WW. I don't mean you have to act afraid of her, but be careful about sounding as if you are threatening or daring. Statements such as the first paragraph (although understandable), could be seen as very controlling to her, which could cause her to behave worse in showing you she'll do whatever she wants. Know what I mean?
When it comes to our children, the very idea of some AP being around them is more than we can bear. However, if there is a D, you can be sure that some OM, eventually, will be around them.
If your decision is to D her, that's your choice, but be careful that you don't cut off your nose to spite your face.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
