Welcome back. It sounds like you've been on a crazy ride since you posted last. Rd and Sotto have nailed it here, but I'd also like to add that I empathize with how complicated this all is.
These situations are excruciatingly complicated. EXCRUTIATINGLY complicated. They make no sense and we have no frame work to compare them too. The feelings we want most come back to us and then turn in an instant. Years of our lives have been dedicated to one person and we couple that with all of the emotional turmoil of life post BD and it's too much for one person to comprehend. Thus we have to come to places like this and seek outside perspective.
From an outside perspective I can see exactly how things unfolded for you and can see myself following the identical pattern. Even on this board we see signs that 99% of the world would look at as negative, and they're viewed as positive here. People get all the way to the courthouse door and then turn around. Divorces happen and then only because the divorce happened are they able to reconcile. It's all complicated as hell.
You have so much support on this board, so please keep posting. It definitely sounds like your XH has you going on a trip that you can step away from for your own sanity though.
My thoughts are with you,
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
