I don't consider myself a jealous man, I have however made it very clear to W that there would be no circumstance in which our kids or our home would be in contact with anyone outside of our family. The consequences of this would probably be considered jealousy by some but to me it is a matter of self respect. This I will not compromise. I'm not saying it would be anything violent or physical but would surely result in immediate and uncomfortable change in our situation.
Right now I am thinking I will insist on staying in the house and let her deal with the logistics of her choices.
M: 39 W:38 D: 11 S: 7 T: 18 M:13 I suspect problem: 8/15 ILYB: 9/15 Never quit on love I ask her to leave:10/15
I have however made it very clear to W that there would be no circumstance in which our kids or our home would be in contact with anyone outside of our family.
How will you control who comes in contact with your kids? If they are with their mother and she decides for someone to be in contact with them, what will you do?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
While I understand that I can't control her actions,I can hwever control my reaction to it. Of course we never know until we are in a particular predicament, but at this point I would immediately start down the path of D. This boundary is non-negotiable for me right now. I also believe that she is in agreement with it at this point. But I have made the mistake of trusting her before.
M: 39 W:38 D: 11 S: 7 T: 18 M:13 I suspect problem: 8/15 ILYB: 9/15 Never quit on love I ask her to leave:10/15
Seems you have a couple of choices. You can go along with that as long as you detach and get a life yourself. Or you can say that you're not willing to live in an open marriage, children shouldn't see their married parents dating, etc., so she needs to make a decision.
Remember you can only get walked on if you're lying down.
I have however made it very clear to W that there would be no circumstance in which our kids or our home would be in contact with anyone outside of our family. The consequences of this would probably be considered jealousy by some but to me it is a matter of self respect. This I will not compromise. I'm not saying it would be anything violent or physical but would surely result in immediate and uncomfortable change in our situation.
While I understand that I can't control her actions,I can hwever control my reaction to it. Of course we never know until we are in a particular predicament, but at this point I would immediately start down the path of D. This boundary is non-negotiable for me right now. I also believe that she is in agreement with it at this point. But I have made the mistake of trusting her before.
This sounds a little contridictive. Maybe I am misunderstanding. Anyway, let me just encourage you to be cautious in what you say to your WW. I don't mean you have to act afraid of her, but be careful about sounding as if you are threatening or daring. Statements such as the first paragraph (although understandable), could be seen as very controlling to her, which could cause her to behave worse in showing you she'll do whatever she wants. Know what I mean?
When it comes to our children, the very idea of some AP being around them is more than we can bear. However, if there is a D, you can be sure that some OM, eventually, will be around them.
If your decision is to D her, that's your choice, but be careful that you don't cut off your nose to spite your face.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I have always been very accommodating for my family but lately my patience for my W and her bs is running thin. I know I am still very early into this just have to slow down and breathe a little. Easier said than done.
M: 39 W:38 D: 11 S: 7 T: 18 M:13 I suspect problem: 8/15 ILYB: 9/15 Never quit on love I ask her to leave:10/15
We have only discussed the "structured separation " once. Neither is really pushing for it though. I'm still on the fence about it. On one hand I like the idea of a timetable and kids schedule being defined, but then I think it's pretty much being in an open marriage and is just enabling her waywardness that much longer. I suppose there just isn't any good way to handle these things.
M: 39 W:38 D: 11 S: 7 T: 18 M:13 I suspect problem: 8/15 ILYB: 9/15 Never quit on love I ask her to leave:10/15
We have only discussed the "structured separation " once. Neither is really pushing for it though. I'm still on the fence about it. On one hand I like the idea of a timetable and kids schedule being defined, but then I think it's pretty much being in an open marriage and is just enabling her waywardness that much longer. I suppose there just isn't any good way to handle these things.
If the couple can co-parent well, then that's great. However, some WW's will take advantage of the LBH and change the schedules around to suit themselves and whatever selfish mood they have. In those cases, a structured separation works better, IMHO. I hope your W will put her strength toward getting healed and not fighting over the schedules. And on your end, I hope you can continue to have a good heart and not get calloused. Yes, there are definitely consequences in choices, and she may be paying with her life. I hope not, if only for your child.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
