Such words is what I need. I have been stupid and stubborn for not posting here and getting the help I need to move forward.
You and others are totally right. I have been the definition of a doormat. I have been giving excuses and not letting it go for some reason I don't even know well.
And yes, there is a huge turmoil inside of me. A battle of many different feelings and I am letting these feelings to rule my every day.
TBH, I am not sure I am ready to let go on my M, but I need to find the balance inside of me to do the take care after my own self first. I am not a person only a fool would leave.
It may seen like that from the outside, but I can't lie to myself and I am a mess emotionally.
I will post every day if possible, it helps me to take this agony out of my chest and gives me some brighter path to look at myself from outside, if you understand.
About us? Well, it is another mess. You are in Ireland and I am in USA, we have a million kids that we are still finishing the job, you are married and can get divorced only after 5 years. Wow, we know how to complicate things.
I started in the right path over Thanksgiving and I am getting to the conclusion that I need to live my life without worrying if XH is there or not, will be back or not. I feel that this is consuming my energy and I do not feel good about it all.
I will try my best and start learning to get my life back in track for real. I am also tired of myself suffering for someone that does not respect me or love me.
RD, all what I have to say is that I am very thankful you are there to help me. It means the world for me and you may never know how valuable it is for me. It has been hard but I will take one step at a time and conquer my emotional freedom.
I also hope that things are better for you, that your kids are well and life is happening.
So, am I your "anjo" or your "belo diabo"? If you say both, you know me better then I tough.
Hugs and kisses for you and the kiddos. Pink
Love as always from afar. I think about you often, maybe that is the only thing between me and the precipice.
