Now what?

[melweb]

Well, I did not sleep very well last night, but I did get a few solid hours of worrying in.
After discussing and debating all my "should ofs, could ofs, and would ofs" with myself at 3 in the morning, it was indeed wasted time. I was thinking back to the week before BD in particular. He went to the Dr on that Thu to get Cialis, as the anxiety med he is om lowers his libido. He texted me and said if I want to have sex again that I need to call the insurance company and see if they cover Cialis, some do and some don't, and its expensive. This was 4 days before the BD!! But I know I am driving myself insane, and whats done is done.

I do need advice on something though. Like I said, I am working on me as my first 180. He saw me as a bitchy, complaining, unhappy housewife, so that is where I started. It was true and I didn't like it either. Other things like me not ironing his clothes. He didn't ask, but said "Since you're home all day, you could iron my clothes." I got defensive, as A) I have never ironed his clothes in 21 years, he is more particular and B) that wasn't really a request, more like demand. It was kind of a huge, stupid fight. So part of my epiphany was to start doing that, making sure his lunch was out etc. To me/us, that is a 180, because I never did it before, But now I am wondering if it looks like pursuing and a desperate attempt to keep him. At the same time I want to "be the person only a fool would leave."
And yesterday he called to tell me CVS kept texting to pick up his meds and "he hates to use me like this but would I go pick them up?" I did. I feel like I am in a Catch-22.
Any suggestions would be helpful. I know this is just my perspective, but I really feel like the reason we are here is because we were so neglectful of each other and our marriage--everything else came first, kids, jobs, moves; each of us feeling like the pot of gold was right around the corner, and "this new job is going to make it all better." Well each job/move has taken us further into debt and further down the rabbit hole, with this one landing us square at the bottom.