I've noticed that if I start thinking about him (and the past we have shared) I start feeling on some very shaky ground.
So my task is to keep the focus on myself and on the present moment as much as I can. And to stop myself going down those other paths.
I realise where I feel a loss (like, say, in the company we shared, or the conversations we had, or work we did together) I can find other ways of finding those things. I'd most definitely not be seeking to find them all in the same person, but from lots of different people.
Today I am grateful for:
* The news that my close relation will not need an operation and will be home from hospital * A friend I haven't heard from for ages (and who I thought had dropped of the radar) getting in touch again with a long, chatty and positive email * The warmth and friendliness of the people I work part time with * Hearing a very beautiful live performance of one of my favourite pieces of music * Achieving a life time business goal, of which I am very proud * Feeling full of life, and managing to be bright and wide eyed on only 4 hours sleep * Having the strength and willpower not to call, text or email (I think the last text I sent was on 23 October. It was a very neutral text, asking for information only).
And finally:
* The insight that I've managed to gain over the past couple of months.
