I feel like it has been one step forward, two steps back. But the trend is obvious. I see that consistency has been my problem. I vascillated between all the validation and trying to be "perfect" and offering tough love. I don't know if I ever had a chance really. I think once someone thinks they have a better option, they have trouble focusing on anything else.
I think in my W's case, she hasn't been able to really date and have sex with this person the way a lot of people's spouses here have. She put it on the back burner, hoped I would be the first to burn out, and she could feel "alive".
Every misstep I have elicits the "you haven't changed" response and a new request for sitting down and finishing the separation agreement. I have tried to move on, and am close, though I still have strong feelings for her. I suggested we sell the house, and after an initial panic, I think she probably thought that might be exiting to find her own house.
I still think she would prefer we keep the house, but on her terms that we live separate lives and are free to date and exist together only for financial reasons and to co-parent.
I am trying to find a way to keep the house myself. A small part of me wants her to stay because continuing to live together offers a chance to re-connect, for her to either have a chance to see the affair my not be her fantasy or that I am a good husband. But the bigger part of me things that is a weak, self-destructive position and that I am exposing myself to an emotionally abusive person and would be better of with her gone so I can start to heal.
How about you?
H:54 W:46 D:11 D:21 M:12 BD:1/15 In-house Separation 2/15 DB started 7/15, W sees consistency 9/15 Dropping the rope and having her leave 2/16, moves 5/16 Reconciliation 1/17 Obviously still struggling
