The Next Day...

[Vanilla]

So why is self love so important to our health and wellbeing?

Why do we connect less well with others when we can not connect to ourselves?

Those of us in tough R can be disconnected to our higher spirit and to ourselves.

What makes us squeeze ourselves into an R which may not fit?

We ignore the signs and fall in fantasy with an ideal. We make the other our fantasy when they are merely human as we are. Flawed in ways that don’t fit our flaws. When the truth is known reality bites. We observe the actual rather than our dream and find the dream wanting. We seek the fantasy to fulfil ourselves when we should be doing this for ourselves.

We feel being lonely and confuse being alone with loneliness. Loneliness is internal and a lack of wholeness within us. When we are unable to be alone to live within ourselves them we fear being abandoned, we fear that we are unlovable and in essence it is ourselves we have abandoned, the stillness within is the enemy without. When we find our own voice we become that who we are meant to be. There will never be loneliness again, even if we lived in splendid monk like insolation.

We can confuse ordinary humanity and connection with romantic love. We believe friendship and love walk hand in hand. When we have those feelings for our self then there is no need for these from others and we seek better connection from our partners.

We become sad to say no to someone who needs us for fear of hurting them, even when in the long run we know the hurt will be greater. By hurting others in the longer term we hurt ourselves.

We look no further than looks, the dressing, the outer shell of looks, sexuality, dress or va va vroom. The superficial is valued above the enduring.

We carry another off their feet by our all consuming desire or we permit them to do this to us.

We respond as an instinct rather than as a true involved desire.

We use lust which within its period it looses lustre.

We ignore another’s obvious fatal faults, our deal breakers are compromised. We compromise that which should not be compromised.

We chose to be special snowflakes, our partners will treat us differently to the way they treated others. Failing to see hurt people hurt people.

We are sexual and believe that heals, we bring children into an R which should never have been, wanting that child to heal us.

We work on an R rather than on ourselves, especially when the other has little interest in us or an R.

We stay quiet failing to enforce boundaries rather than hold our ground.

We believe lies rather than face the truth. We live in denial.

All of this is because in our own eyes we are incomplete on our own. We are enough just as we are.

Forcing our wayward to come to heel, to relinquish their journey for ours is to my mind showing lack of love for ourselves.I have let my WH go to find his path, be with his current OW, spend his life as he sees fit. I have already blown one PA wide open, he found another one. WH is following the path he has to follow. I have been NC for 7 months now, complete total darkness, I have done NC before LRT. I GAL, I IC, I repair.

Vanilla loves Vanilla because she is who is she is.

My simple love letter to Vanilla is:

You are love, you are connected, imperfect in your eyes, and fulfilling your destiny in God's eyes as best you can. Please know dearest Vanilla that despite all as long as there is love and you seek to operate from love that is all that can be asked of you. Between us, Vanilla and her higher spirit we can work to become our truth. Being alone won't make you lonely Vanilla, if you lose sight of who you are then you will be empty. As one of God's creatures you are as you should be, learning that which you need to learn.

What your higher spirit reaches for will stand on the day of judgement.

Like a game of Candy Crush we can keep playing the level until we get the point and each setback is a new experience to learn.

Being with a wayward and an abuser is tough, learn that lesson, face the pain and move forward to a new level.

I love you Vanilla, you are OK just as you are.

V