One is WWs. She is addicted to OM. She has NOT broken off contact permanently. At best she has gone a day or two without messaging or meeting. More than likely she has just taken it underground. My take away from what she's saying is: I am not willing to break off contact with OM or recommit to our marriage. "being scared" and "taking it day by day" is addict talk for not wanting consequences for the choices they are making. She knows exactly what she wants. She wants the benefits of a marriage while she carries on with her other relationship and sees where it goes and lives both lives.
The other addiction is your addiction to the marriage, or trying to control or steer her behavior. Maybe this isn't an addiction so much as a natural clinging, but I wanted to get your attention.
The point is you can't change her behavior. You can't end her addiction. No matter what boundaries you draw up you can't end her relationship with OM. And no matter what the consequences are to her, there is a good chance she'll continue down this path for months, years, or for the rest of her days.
The only thing you control is your behavior. You must step. Detach completely from her. Believe none of what she says and half of what she does. Get a life to meet your own emotional needs elsewhere outside this relationship. Don't invest in your marriage, invest 100% in your new life on your own.
This doesn't mean be angry or hostile, this doesn't mean file a divorce or start dating. Heavens, no. It just means that you need to get yourself in a better position.
Remember- How can you expect her to have the strength to cut emotional ties with OM if you don't have the strength to cut emotional ties with WW? Act with the character you wished she had and lead yourself and your family forward.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
