Walkaway Wife/WW/MLC Part 2

[jjal]

Update:

Sorry I have been away so long, detaching from here helped too. Mental vacation was just what I needed...sort of.

She acknowledged the card I sent, also a 1 page handwritten letter I sent. A few weeks after, I sent another 1 page letter, and then another. Not whiny, not pleading, just letting her know my stance.

2 weeks back, she then returned with her own letter sent via email. It basically said we didn't share enough experiences together, we grew apart, were two totally different people, she has decided she liked living alone and wished to continue to do as such. Then she went on to say she'd spoken to an attorney. Wanted to know if I was okay, or not okay, she cared, she worried. Her heart ached for all the damage she has done.

Ok, so that ruined 2-3 nights of sleep for me.

I met her parents for dinner the Friday before Thanksgiving. Her parents told her, and again confronting her about her decision. She blew up, sent me an icy cold email saying she'd been blindsided by them and wished I had given her a heads up about eating with them. And that she had already visited an attorney. Her parents wanted to see me, 20 years as their SonIL, so I set it up. I'm not trying to drive a wedge, it was already there, just trying to answer questions for them. After the icy e-mail, she had a 90 minute phone call and a ton of texts with EA dude and divorced alienator she works with.

I know snooping is not recommended, but I pay the cell bill (she pays half) and see the logs when I pay. I looked. 80 phone calls for 12 hours with him this month, 1100 text messages.

So, since she was angry, she insisted we meet for dinner the Tuesday before Thanksgiving to discuss attorney visit. It didn't exactly turn into that, we spoke about what went wrong. Said she felt rejected so many times, and even could probably pinpoint when she became detached. I didn't ask when/what caused it, will do so eventually. I was doing good to keep it all together. I told her my detachment was a loving act, I gave her what she wanted and let her go. I didn't beg or plead or pressure her, she thanked me for that. And then said after 4.5 months her heart hasn't changed its stance. Then basically said the attorney told her for us to discuss how to split everything up. After I left at 7:30, she texted alienator and EA dude, then several phone calls with the dude that evening.

I decided to get out of town for the long T-giving weekend, rented a cottage in the woods to reflect and mourn. She found out I was going to be out of town from a well meaning friend who thought I might harm myself (no way in hell). When I left Wednesday afternoon, she sent a text that said she hoped I had a safe trip and to be careful. Then, she took the opportunity to come move all of her stuff. She didn't have a key to the house, but found a window unlocked, popped the screen out and crawled in.

She thought I was to return home Sunday, but I made it back Saturday night to a mess. She sent me a text Sunday morning at 6:30 wanting to know when I was coming home. Told her I was already there. She apologized profusely for the mess. And said she'd come by and clean up during lunch one day. I told her to come on by right then. A few hours later she stopped by, cleaned up the mess, packed a few more things. Then she talked to me about her life for about 30 minutes. All chatty, played with her hair a lot, and came off as the woman I knew and loved.

Seems her life is all up in the air now. The job she has was supposed to turn into a partnership with huge pay days might not be there. It was the type of money she and I were talking about retiring in 5-7 years on. Early 50's for both of us. Anyway, she's having to interview for the slot now against 3 more people who are more qualified. If she doesn't get it, she is gone. To boot, she has had some medical issues, skin problems which can be deadly. It's being treated now. She is still on my medical insurance, and seriously considered removing her when we had open enrollment a few weeks back. But I am not a cold hearted person.

Despite all of that, I still have hope while also moving forward with my life. I still see glimmers of hope, either that or a person who is so far in the fog, she doesn't know how ridiculous she's acting and it is confusing me. For instance, my SIL who my wife never truly liked, posted many photos of my family from our family Thanksgiving meal and my wife liked them. Then she liked a photo my sister posted of her two girls, and another of my SIL's family. I just don't get that. Why do that????

Everyone in my family, as well as her family are so angry and distraught. The kids just melted when I told them, especially the nieces who looked up to her.

I know the letters go against the LRT, but I was seeing no movement. Monitor results, determine what works and what doesn't, right? So, I tried to connect with the letters, probably not a great idea, but they were short, handwritten in cursive, 1 page long. Nothing whiny, no begging, just wanted her to know I thought about her, someone I had spent 22 total years with was suddenly gone. Tried to focus on her, not me. Anyway, sort of contradictory to the LRT. Figured I had nothing to lose, and didn't want to go out regretting not trying now that my head is on straight now.

So that's my current situation.