Pink's journey - living with pain

[Sotto]

Hey lovely P - glad to see you have a new thread....and looks as though you tempted lovely RD out of semi-retirement too...two of my good buddies posting again!

Wow - sounds like a lot has been happening. First thing I would say is that there are two divorces - legal and emotional. The legal one has happened, and not the emotional (from what I read) as yet. I know for you, it was important financially to have things resolved and the risks of not doing were unnacceptable for the family.

But as has been mentioned above, I think the important choice to make here is - am I standing for this relationship or am I moving on? From what you post above, it doesn't sound as though you are 'done.' But that's a choice to make I think. If you truly want to move on, can I recommend Growing through Divorce by Jim Smoke? I'm reading it at the moment, and it is worthwhile for people who truly feel their R is over and who want to move on healthily.

One of the big things it recommends is clean breaks - not having stuff in the basement, not going on dates, not fixing your W's car, not treating your former home as if it were yours and so on. Again, something to think about perhaps.

I would agree with others that your H still seems to be in some confusion and chaos. He clearly has some regrets, but isn't 'together' enough to do constructive things about it all. For this reason alone, I would protect your heart and aim for a level of healthy detachment until or unless he gets himself to a healthier place. Yes, you had a couple of slip ups - but you can always set a new boundary if that is what you want.

Hmm, so what is it you do want at this point my friend? I think it would be helpful to get some clarity on what you hope to do here...reconcile if possible? Move on? Not sure?

Keep posting anyways, and lovely to see you with your own thread again xx