Wayward Wife, my addiction, advice needed

[trumpet]

Thanks for the advice, guys. Should have listened to you sooner.

She's been willing to TRY, but no commitment. She says she'll take it 'day by day'... for whatever that means.

Caught her last week looking at an apartment in our neighborhood, she apologized and we moved on. I caught her again this morning with an email she sent to someone who is listing a 3 bdrm apt that is 20 minutes away, asking to see it ASAP. When confronted, she got mad that I would accuse her (typical), then apologized and said she was 'scared'. I mentioned any trust and respect built up over the last 2 sessions with our pastor/counselor just went out the window.

By the end of of conversation, I told her she's welcome to explore the apartment, but the kids are staying in the same district, under the same roof we were standing under.

I still have no access to her emails, texts, or Facebook. She says since she's at a law firm, she can't give me access, since it would break client priviledge.

The pastor sent me a text last night that he wanted to talk to me privately. I did let the wife know, but no clue what it's in regards to. He did mention during our session that wife was overtly hostile towards me, and that I wasn't reflecting any hostility. I'll be meeting up with him on Friday.

Should I continue to ask her to find a different place? She's not talking with the OM (As far as I can tell), and she's going through withdrawl symptoms - can't sleep at night, looks strung out, not working out, not eating well, very short with kids and I...

Also, my 14 year old D did finally blow her lid at mom - with mom being angry at everyone, she let mom know that she's blowing it, and did the confrontation with all of us in the room. Of course, wife pointed to me as she stormed out, blaming me. The daughter has only drawn her own conclusions to her mother's behavior, and I was actually happy to see someone besides me calling her out. I comforted the daughter, listened, and was there for her. She was able to feel better in about 15 minutes.
The sad thing is that my wife mentioned it this morning, only to again blame me for her daughter's outburst.

Wife did mention she will NOT leave by my asking, only under her decision, and the kids would be coming with her. The kids obviously don't want to move. I'd hate to get them involved, but how do I get the wife to move out?