Pink, I am not familiar with your back story. But this is what I think looking at your post today. You need to look at this from a fresh perspective.
What is it that you want? Are you still looking for reconciliation? Are you looking to move forward? What is your goal here? It sounds like you are just letting things happen. I know there is so much more to the story so please correct me if I am wrong.
And then, may be time to start with a beginners mind and write down some new goals. Small, attainable goals that will get you closer to your "overall goal." Stick to your goals, to your plan, consult your plan and not your emotions. To me it sounds like your emotions are keeping you stuck. I hope this helps. You've been at this for a long time and I am sure there is so much more to the story.
