Sometime I think I do a passive-aggressive thing with the paying her back... and my dad... because they have given me so little in terms of other support. I know that doesn't make it right. I'm just looking at how I operate.
I think I'm angry... not about how I was treated in childhood... but, how exhausting and unkind? and selfish both my parents have been in my adulthood. Money, that they will give. Any other imposition on their lives... not so much. And, the gossip about my life and how I raise the girls. My parents give money, but they take from my self-esteem and erode my confidence if I spend too much time with them. I've been a source of gossip for years now.
They don't want their lives upset by my problems or the problems of my kids. It's like... we want a relationship... but, not really.
Still, I took the money. I owe the money. And, I need to accept that, even when I pay it off... they will still gossip and be harsh and even cruel about me behind my back.
My mom actually told D21 two months ago, "Don't be like your mom."
How weird. In their eyes, I'm the freak. The deadbeat. The selfish one because I don't interact with them. I avoid them because I don't like who THEY think I am. I'm not that person.
Okay. Sorta freaking out... That's exactly how I feel with Matt. He sees me as this person... This person that other people don't see...
Last edited by LoisB; 11/30/1507:53 PM.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
