Job, thank you. You said what I needed to hear from my mom. :-)
I need to come up with a plan to pay both my parents back with the help of a sponsor and folks in D.A. I will keep going. Have a meeting tonight.
Yep. I have some issues with money... But, I'm working on it and I'm being honest. I hate being honest. HATE It. Hate having this particular problem. I'd rather have any other problem. But, at least it's treatable and I have resources here I don't have elsewhere. There are actual face-to-face meetings.
I can do some really outta-character/terrible stuff when it comes to money. Why? I don't really know. I just do. I can have $3 in the bank with rent, car payment, food... yadda, yadda and I will find a reason to use the $3 on gum.
That's where I got stuck with Matt and his addiction. I see how I behave when I'm crazy on a money binge or avoiding my responsibilities. However, I have begun the process of getting honest and I've been willing to get help. Also, I haven't abandoned my kids for my addiction. Not that I'm any better... but, hopefully, I'm a little healthier.
I think what really strikes me... now that I look back. She was waiting for this opportunity. She seemed to sorta relish being in this position--at least a little. I mean, I know my mom loves me... but, there was this sorta fat cat kinda demeanor.
She doesn't want me to be as strong as I am. She doesn't want me to succeed. That's just the bottom line. I'm not sure she really recognizes it. But, I feel it.
She has gone back to the insanely crazy Stepdad.
Louisa saw how upset I was after the call. "Mom, whatever she said... Know that she is unhappy. She feels like everyone has left her and she is back with weird (stepdad). She took it out on you. She doesn't like that you are getting your stuff together and she isn't."
How did this kid get so smart?
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
