Heather, I'm glad that you and your daughter enjoyed spending time at the Biltmore. It's a beautiful place and has a calming effect on some who visit there. I think it's an excellent present for your daughter. She will enjoy many days there in the future, especially when the weather is warm and pleasant and so will you.
I know several people who have attended Debtor's Anonymous and it worked for them. So, please do not allow your mother to deter you from going. It works very similar to some of the other meet up groups. How will you ever be able to curb your problem if you don't have support and feel safe in speaking up? I say go if it's working for you.
I think part of the problem w/your mother is that you ask for help, but never pay her back (am I assuming wrong here and you paid her back for the trip to NC as well as her help when you moved a year ago). If you had paid her back in the past, she might not have had a problem helping you out once again. Maybe she thinks you should be up on your feet by now and more independent. It's hard to say what is going through your mother's mind, but it's evident she's tired of you asking her for help.
You might want to start a fund and each time you get change in your pocket, put it in a jar. Eventually the jar will fill and you'll have some extra cash to spend on fun things. It's just a suggestion, but I've done this for years and the change adds up.
Now that the holiday season is in full swing, have you considered getting a "seasonal" position at one of the local stores? It would give you some hours and also some extra $$$ for Christmas and/or your bills.
Heather, you don't need your mother's validation. I wouldn't discuss Matt w/her any longer. It's none of her business now that the divorce is over and done with. Be proud of what you have accomplished on your own in the last few years. If your girls are proud of you, that should be enough. You know that nothing you say or do will never be enough to give you the kudos that you richly deserve. You have to find a way to accept that she's not going to change this late in the game and there's no need to set yourself up for disappointment. Keep your conversations civil, but short w/her. When she gets on a rant about you and what you are doing, end the discussion politely and hang up. If she doesn't get the message, then she'll soon leave that conversations w/you will continue to be short and sweet. Please stop allowing yourself to be your mother's whipping girl....you are worthy of far more recognition than a verbal and mental beating from this woman.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
