Unlurking to share my story

[SciDad]

Sorry Sandi. my emotional state=lack of details. I feel a bit better after having lunch with some friends. Even though they don't know the situation it feels nice to get out.

How many times has she betrayed you?

Yeah, I was being a bit melodramatic... One large betrayal involving her EA, 3 times I've caught her lying about it. 1st was when I initially found out. 2nd was a few months later when I found her texting him again. 3rd was yesterday. In retrospect, this probably counts as one betrayal, not 3....

What are you referring to, exactly?

Sorry... I was/am a blubbering mess... Broadly speaking, the gains I saw involved her asking about me in a way that made me think she cared.

1) I sprained my knee one morning and she made a point of checking in with me all day to see if I was OK. It made me feel like she cared because up until recently she would have thought I was being melodramatic and not asked. 2) When I show even the slightest frustration at something at home she offers to help (not at all the norm for her). 3) She started thanking me for the little things I do - making coffee, washing the cars, making dinner. It made me feel appreciated. 4) She took an interest in the hobbies I've been starting for GAL (mainly music). She used to say they annoyed her. 5) She has made a conscious effort to talk with me about our days and struggles suggested we were approaching emotional intimacy. 6) She started spending time with me while we were home. It usually just involved watching tv, but it was better than her hiding in another room as she'd been doing previously. And lastly (and most sickening to me now) her 7) attempts at (non-sensual) physical touch gratified my need for physical intimacy.

I originally viewed these actions as improvements in our relationship, but I now wonder if they are just attempts to appease me while she was at home, with an end goal of her going off and see the OM. Were they a smoke screen or genuine feelings? I know see my wife as a people-pleaser to a fault. She'll say whatever I or the OM want to hear, but I don't know what or if she means any of it.

Is there any way to know?