Feels a bit weird to wake up today, knowing Matt can't reach out. I can't reach out. Not an option. Also, weird knowing he can't see my life on FB. It's MY life.
Mom laid into me today. That was fun. Made it obvious she sees me as a failure. I had asked her last week for some help in paying some bills. She said Yes and it took some pressure off for Christmas. The Biltmore pass was one of two things Louisa wanted. I thought it was a done deal. She said she would mail me some help on Saturday. This morning, I get a call.
Haven't asked for help since we left Ohio. Not something I wanted to do, but felt I had to. With Christmas coming. She made it clear that I'm a deadbeat in her eyes. Got lectures about spending and finding a financial counselor.
When I told her I was in a program for recovery from debting and so forth... I got the heavy sigh and how silly I was for going that route.
She was fairly brutal. I tried to defend myself. I felt pretty low though and reacted more than I wanted to. There was truth in what she said and that's where I got stuck. Told her she didn't need to send the help. I would figure it out. "How? How will you figure it out?"
She made it clear that she sees little to no value in Debtor's Anonymous. Strange, seeing as how she devoted her 30+ career to helping alcoholics.
I know she is scared for me. I know there was truth in what she said. Truth nuggets. I know all that. I know she is tired of having to help me...
What's hard, for me, is how this is a problem we share. If anyone showed signs of having a spending problem... My mom is sorta the poster child. Her apartment has become something of a hoarding cave with her latest compulsion, second-hand furniture.
I told her how I blocked Matt. I guess I was hoping to get some acknowledgement for showing some strength in one area of my life.
I wanted to hear her say, "I'm proud of you for at least getting honest with how you are with money. I'm proud of you for trying. I'm proud of you for NOT finding an abusive man to support you, like I did."
When I made the mistake of saying, "Mom, what if you had to reach out to your alcoholic parents for help and your mom gave you advice on getting sober... how would you feel?"
Answer: "I would NEVER ask my parents for help. Ever."
Last edited by LoisB; 11/30/1506:13 PM.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
