And the best part? I was more interested in responding to "small talk" with Mutatio than posting this, came on here to check in and almost forgot to post it. That's detachment! It feels good!
And another thing that clicked in my head (yes I am a slow learner.) In life there are going to be times where the people around me could completely go "crazy" and break down on me and I can not EVER again be in the position where this leaves me devastated for this long again. I have children counting on me. I can not "lose it." I didn't "lose it" this time, I functioned and took my kids to school and appointments and fed them, and went through the motions, but boy did it suck, and I was really not nearly as emotionally available as I needed to be. I can NEVER let anyone have that much power over me again. Never. Because who knows what people will do. Even if H "recovers" or if I remarry the strongest man in the world, I now have the knowledge that it can all shatter at a moment's notice and as long as I have these children I do not have the option of being devastated by someone else's [censored]. I know I can (and will) love and trust again, and even depend on someone again to a point, but always in the back of my mind I know that I can only count on myself from now on. Always.
