Oh! Some good (?) news in my world. Last night H approached me and asked if I wanted to talk. I said "I don't know if that's a good idea." (that's a first for me.) I went upstairs. He followed me and said "Do you want me to leave you alone? " So I said "No, I like the company." So then he said "Do you think we can talk without you freaking out on me?" (Ummm, great approach H.) So I said "Sure."
He said.....wait for it.......he said "I think you are not remembering correctly all the things I said to you a few months ago when I was breaking down. I know I said a lot of terrible things, but they weren't directed at you."
I said "You said you'd rather be dead than married to me for one more day."
He said "I think you are remembering wrong, or else maybe I chose the wrong words. I don't remember my words, but I remember feeling desperate and that everything in my life was not working, and I was breaking down. I never meant that I would rather be dead than married to you and I really think you are remembering that wrong."
I wanted to say "What about "I hate you and you destroyed my life and my mother's life and our daughter's life?" But I didn't. I said "OK, I remember things differently but emotions were running high and I know you were feeling desperate and hurt. I am glad you shared this with me, thank you for telling me."
And he just kind of nodded and then asked if he could leave the light on so he could read or if I wanted him to read in the other room so I could sleep. I said , leave the light on, I like you being near me while I sleep. And then I pulled the blankets over my head and went to sleep.
WTF????? That's good right? And I think my detachment is kicking in because if this was just a month or two ago I would have been all over that, but now I am more like ....ok.....could be good.....probably a good sign......go to sleep.
