Unlurking to share my story

[SciDad]

Pho,

No decisions will be made today. If nothing else I have proven to myself that I know when I can and can't be rational. Now I am not rational. Tomorrow? Doubtful. But at some point I will be able to process my situation and be able to reevaluate.

I acknowledge my power, but (to paraphrase Stan Lee) with great power comes great responsibility. These decisions do not only affect me, or even my my children (though they are my biggest concern right now). This is why I pause to regroup.

I guess what doesn't help is that I've been exploring my own psyche a lot lately as I try to improve myself and I've come across some pretty big skeletons I thought I had dealt with. Feelings of family betrayal, alcoholism, not feeling loved, abuse I've never told anyone about. These still haunt me more than I realized and play a huge role in how this is impacting me.

I know rationally I will be fine. I am always fine and will always survive. Irrationally, I wish things were easier, and that people would love me for who I am.