^^^^ I'm with mvg. I understand how challenging an in-house separation is only too well. Detachment is very important, but very hard when you have constant interactions and looking for positive signs and wondering what w is thinking or doing. It does drive you nuts and you cannot detach while your thoughts run.
as you can't control what she does, letting her go and not talking about what she's doing is a good thing now. Setting boundaries with consequences that protect you are important. I found this to help me gain strength in my situation. Once one finally sets strong boundaries and ensures their personal protection, hey can more freely focus on what they do, detach, and GAL.
None of this is easy otherwise I don't think we would be here in full support. You've got great support here.
With GaL I personally found finding an activity getting me out of my comfort zone helped my mind stay focused on that activity vs my mind thinking of what wife is up to.
M: 33 W: 30 T: 14 M: 9 S2 BD: May/2015 (w moves into spare bedroom one week later) EA / PA (discovered): June/2015 W moves out (living with OM): Sep/2015
My therapist told me that I got over it so quickly bc deep inside, I knew that day was coming and was "prepared" not sure I agree 100% but regardless. Reason I say that is that my situation seems fast to most people, so please don't think I'm claiming to know the right answers....just what worked for me..
My XW said to me, "I am going to date other people, you can do whatever you want, but this is happening whether you like it or not."
Not saying you're being given the same choice, but even if it's close....is there a choice.?
Don't chase a girl that doesn't want you to catch her.
As of December 2023 Me: 45 XW: 43 S13 S10 ILYBINILWY: 11/14/2014 OM: 11/14/2014 D process: 12/14/2014 D final: 04/2015
If she asks why you are not talking to her or care you can just say, "you want to be separated, you're with another man, clearly you don't want me to be your husband, what don't I understand?" Otherwise, what's it worth talking to her? She's just going to spew her fog brained nonsense. That's not worth your time.
Detach and GAL.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
If she asks why you are not talking to her or care you can just say, "you want to be separated, you're with another man, clearly you don't want me to be your husband, what don't I understand?" Otherwise, what's it worth talking to her? She's just going to spew her fog brained nonsense. That's not worth your time.
Detach and GAL.
That is basically what i said something like what is there to talk aboit you want to be seperated your uninterested in our relationship and you continue carrying on with OM. What do you expect me to say?
M30 - W29 - S1.5 EA/PA Confirmed - Oct 30, 2015 Confronted W about the A - Nov 1, 2015 W asked for seperation - Nov 22, 2015 W moves out of house - Jan 3rd, 2016
So W leaving for the night let me get 30pgs read of the DR book still got 90% left.
M30 - W29 - S1.5 EA/PA Confirmed - Oct 30, 2015 Confronted W about the A - Nov 1, 2015 W asked for seperation - Nov 22, 2015 W moves out of house - Jan 3rd, 2016
You could leave her some nights, and go to some quiet place and read. She doesn't have to know anything other than you're going out.
I think it sounds like shes not planning on sleeping at home until further notice.
If i were to get out of the house to read id have to sneak the book out. Haha
What do you think of recent development sandi? She thinks i've givin up on our M and that I hate her. Neither of those are true should i be just letting her go foward beleiving that. I beleive she is afraid of being alone and this is going to dive her further away. She said something to that effect when she was walking out the door last night.
M30 - W29 - S1.5 EA/PA Confirmed - Oct 30, 2015 Confronted W about the A - Nov 1, 2015 W asked for seperation - Nov 22, 2015 W moves out of house - Jan 3rd, 2016
She thinks i've givin up on our M and that I hate her. Neither of those are true should i be just letting her go foward beleiving that.
Theres not really much you can say that will change her mind. She is going to believe whatever she wants, and you standing there saying "wait! No! I havent given up! I love you! Lets work on this!" isnt going to change her mind.
Theres not really much you can say that will change her mind. She is going to believe whatever she wants, and you standing there saying "wait! No! I havent given up! I love you! Lets work on this!" isnt going to change her mind.
I suppose this makes sence after all actions speak loudly and my actions have been me moving forward with my life trying to take better care of myself and my needs. I just struggle with her saying and beleiving things thay arn't true and me saying nothing. I feel like shes looking for me to say i dont hate you i do care all these things. Ugh having a rough morning emotions running wild after last night. First time sleeping in our bed alone in a long time.
M30 - W29 - S1.5 EA/PA Confirmed - Oct 30, 2015 Confronted W about the A - Nov 1, 2015 W asked for seperation - Nov 22, 2015 W moves out of house - Jan 3rd, 2016
Strong, I'm going to tell you what I should have been telling myself.
Don't worry about her - keep focusing on yourself. I thought I had that down, but somewhere along the way I got confused and started paying more attention to her thoughts/actions. I say that because if I had really been focusing on improving myself and my GAL I would not have been as gutted when I found out she was lying.
It's tempting to look for hope and I know we need something to hope for, but this is not the way. I think the first step is to not spy. Start there, keep up your GAL and see where it leads
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
still got 90% left.