Thanks bttrfly for sharing and giving me a new perspective on this. And yes you are correct, I love flowers and herbs, I am very into homeopathic remedies.
My hols did not quite do the trick of letting my mind settle, but despite this it has been a wonderful break and the knowledge that its not long until I get my mini breaks for xmas and new year keeps me moving forwards.
h let me know he has booked the ferry for him to come to me for Christmas, I was a bit shocked as I was prepared for the excuses to continue and him not come. I had even made my own plans - going to a Christmas Eve party after work and then Christmas Day an invite to a bbq on the beach for all the lonely's who have nowhere else to go ! I don't know if s21 and g/friend are coming yet, it going to be a very bizarre Christmas lol.
The other thing that has happened h wise is that his m has b/cancer for the 2nd time, different tumour, but resulting in a mastectomy, op went well and recovering good. Results were good, nothing in nodes and all tumour removed. However chemo has been advised to make sure no rogue cells got free so she has opted to go ahead with it. She starts just before Christmas so has had to cancel her plan to see her s (h's b) and g/kids for Christmas - this woman is family orientated and Christmas is a big deal for her, she cant do Christmas without family. So she told h that because the g/kids may have colds or bugs she has to stay clear of them and that makes her sad - so what does h do - he has decided he is going to fly over and surprise her between c/mas and n/year. That's all wonderful and its him through and through (well the old him) this is the guy I knew. BUT he is also doing the impulsive thing jump first and think later. In the meantime I receive an email from MIL, newsy stuff, mostly things that h has already told me as she does not know we are in such close contact, and she mentioned that if g/kids are germ free in between c/mas and n/year and she feels ok then they are going to visit them. She also mentioned they were spending c/mas day with good friends.
So when h told me his plan to fly over for 10 days and in the middle go see his brother, I replied "yes, I know, your mum mentioned she was going to visit them all pending germs"; he replied "?? she's not going anywhere, not seeing family, that's why I am going to go and see her, so she sees family over Christmas and as a surprise" so I copied the part of her email that related to the visit and c/mas day and sent it to him. I then replied (and I know this is a gamble that he could take it the wrong way, but I feel we are at the point of being able to be open enough to point stuff out things that the other may not see) "She may not yet get to see them, unfortunately its down to the day of everyone being well, and that includes you. Its a great gesture and I get why you are wanting to do this however I will say this (and please don't take this as me trying to dissuade you) this is a long journey (nz to uk) and a lot of money for 10 days and if you get sick you wont be able to see her. The boys tend to jump first think second so just want to make sure you have thought this through sensibly". He replied " the biggest reason to go was so she sees family over Xmas season, she did not tell me b is even an option. Nothing has been confirmed, its still at the idea stage, will contact f and ask him what he thinks".
I know this sounds really harsh - I do. H has not paid me for a while so he can continue therapy, he has been working to pay off his debts and doing well - to put this trip on his cc makes me a bit miffed to say the least. She has been given a good prognosis - 85% chance of not returning for another 10yrs so its not like this is a mercy dash home, which I would completely support, neither is it a long trip to spend quality time with her during her illness. If he gets sick then he cannot be near her - which is what the whole point of the trip is. He has traveled all that way to see her, would she really have the heart to turn him away if he comes down with a cold, should he put her in that position? Am I being a terrible person? Perhaps I am not seeing it ?? My mum was not up for visitors and she was conscious of being "ok" when we were around, she put on a brave face, she was also very cautious of colds and bugs, I suppose that's my experience of chemo. I do get why he wants to go back to see her (although she drives him crazy so that's why its only for a short time with a jaunt to see his b halfway for a sanity trip) so for him to think of doing this is a selfless act, its about making his mum happy and that's just great, its a sign he is moving forwards himself.
Whatever he decides to do I will support him, its his choice at the end of the day.
My mum made a cross stitch advent Calendar for me and my bx2 when we were kids, she hung small gifts and chocolates on it, the last day 24th was always a magazine. Lovely memories. Anyway, she left it to me and I used it for my boys until a few years ago. S18 asked if I would do it this year for him and g/friend so its come out of storage and I have been wrapping little things up all day to hang on it ready for tomorrow.
Back to work tomorrow, let the silly season begin - we have all the backpackers, fruit pickers and vine trimmers arriving in town for the summer season so its very busy at work - back to the toothbrush crazy !!
Thanks as always for reading, hope everyone well and you all had a great weekend xx
