Black and white

[Zues126]

This afternoon my S11 mentioned something about not being able to do something at mom's house because they always had to be quiet so they didn't bother her friend. How mom always have friends that stay over for the night in her room. How he doesn't even know who these people are, and he doesn't like it, he feels like he should know who's in his own house.

This bothered me on two levels. One is that this isn't behavior I ever wanted modeled for my kids. Another is I still felt a sting, the reminder of the horror of the loss of the M and the grotesque aftermath.

But back to what I can control. I model my behavior to the kids, and while it isn't perfect, I can almost see the nourishment they get from being with me.

As for my personal pain, I just used the old 'convert to gambling addiction' technique. Instead of thinking about STBX as having affairs, I imagined how I'd feel if she was a gambling addict, and I learned that she had just lost her last paycheck at the casino for the 60th week in a row. My feelings wouldn't be hurt. I wouldn't take it personally. I would just realize that she was a struggling soul that gave in to an addiction. There is no surprise anymore. And it has nothing to do with me.

There is still more to process, more to grieve, and more to accept. But her actions aren't impacting me anymore. It's been all about me for some time now. And there is more and more good stuff going on in my life. Hope this can be a guide for some newer forum members struggling with fresh betrayals.