Getting through the storm

[ep0215]

Got home from our trip 2 hours ago. He little guy is passed out and I am relaxing on the sofa. I got really sad today in the car thinking about H. Sadly this Thanksgiving would have been the same even if we were happily married. I would be traveling it see my family alone because he would never ask off work to go. I say never because it hasn't happened once in our 13 year relationship. I accepted that was our reality and I didn't fight it. Now, stepping back, I do want it. I want a partner with me, beside me, through all of life.

I am also incredibly sad for who he is becoming. He still hasn't called or texted to see how his son is/was. He won't see him for 8 days and hasn't talked to him since Tuesday. I am not sure how to explain this but I know I could have called him to see if he wanted to talk to S4 but honestly I want him to have his own relationship with his son, not because I am forcing him to have one. I mean he was demanding 50/50 custody but really doesn't show much initiative to be present. I just don't know how to handle this. I did send him a couple of pictures and got no reply.

I do not like this person at all. Was he always this way and I didn't see it? Did I just cover for him so as not to rock the boat? Have I been enabling him for 10+ years? These questions are really burning me right now.